Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
