i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
