Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
