I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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