We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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