Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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