The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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