dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize