thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
