i would punch a child for taco bell
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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