oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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