so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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