omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
