so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
