just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
