i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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