in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
