Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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