if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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