You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
