I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
