Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
