Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
