we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
