Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
