she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
