Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
