Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
