He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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