just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
