if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
