I wish I could teleport
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
