My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize