Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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