Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
