it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
