dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
