Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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