halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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