just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
