I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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