The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
