On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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