I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
