Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
