anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
