he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
