I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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