Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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