saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?