Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

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  (718): so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood http://tfl.nu/a9i9
  Replies (11) Good night (636) Bad night (1553)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening

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  (732): and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening http://tfl.nu/8ijj
  Replies (17) Good night (1477) Bad night (4779)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?

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  (901): I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that? http://tfl.nu/6l8j
  Replies (13) Good night (896) Bad night (3662)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

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  (214): Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand. http://tfl.nu/s680
  Replies (13) Good night (1229) Bad night (4538)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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  (928): note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea http://tfl.nu/nwiv
  Replies (15) Good night (5651) Bad night (1028)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.

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  (908): I think I actually have rug burn on my eye. http://tfl.nu/mvqe
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (1768)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3762) Bad night (927)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.

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  (248): If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is. http://tfl.nu/p0ib
  Replies (15) Good night (2690) Bad night (978)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.

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  (732): you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic. http://tfl.nu/b9sf
  Replies (5) Good night (2052) Bad night (659)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.

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  (610): My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help. http://tfl.nu/86v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1449) Bad night (559)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?

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  (937): Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no? http://tfl.nu/z665
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (214)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.

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  (423): So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class. http://tfl.nu/xrt7
  Replies (5) Good night (869) Bad night (265)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...

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  (425): My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way... http://tfl.nu/ehz3
  Replies (11) Good night (759) Bad night (387)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.

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  (360): There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info. http://tfl.nu/i0nt
  Replies (0) Good night (264) Bad night (382)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.

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  (913): Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again. http://tfl.nu/khdg
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (250)

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