do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
someone owes me an orgasm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am