i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.