my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.