Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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(401): Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends. http://tfl.nu/34is

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(410): View more from Maryland

9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

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(410): 9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season. http://tfl.nu/tefo

Replies (23) Good night (4578) Bad night (559)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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(856): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty" http://tfl.nu/8yrq

Replies (45) Good night (4445) Bad night (1367)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

please don't let me die tonight

(860): View more from Connecticut

what have you done for me lately?

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(203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn

Replies (18) Good night (4909) Bad night (1304)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

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(816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r

Replies (12) Good night (1362) Bad night (4883)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.

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(708): I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8bkp

Replies (2) Good night (756) Bad night (1496)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.

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(612): Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement. http://tfl.nu/cvtk

Replies (7) Good night (1171) Bad night (633)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.

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(603): I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. (1-603): It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay. http://tfl.nu/8z7g

Replies (8) Good night (1493) Bad night (522)
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(317): View more from Indiana

So did he inherit the massive family cock?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

:(

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(317): So did he inherit the massive family cock? (1-317): :( http://tfl.nu/a8a5

Replies (9) Good night (641) Bad night (2229)
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(940): View more from Texas

Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!

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(940): Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?! http://tfl.nu/l6ig

Replies (6) Good night (405) Bad night (1210)
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(765): View more from Indiana

My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic

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(765): My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/h32f

Replies (0) Good night (646) Bad night (353)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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(319): I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you. http://tfl.nu/2phb

Replies (6) Good night (697) Bad night (362)
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(330): View more from Ohio

my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark

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(330): my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark http://tfl.nu/b8mx

Replies (9) Good night (838) Bad night (576)
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(425): View more from Washington

He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.

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(425): He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night. http://tfl.nu/zs6o

Replies (6) Good night (599) Bad night (952)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need

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(908): It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need http://tfl.nu/txcf

Replies (3) Good night (539) Bad night (249)

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