the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
