Just fell off a train. Bad.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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