Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
