she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
