I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
