3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
