i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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