i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
