Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is Oprah even human
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
