I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
