the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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