He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize