id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You ate ashes out of my bong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
