So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
