in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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