I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
