Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
