he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
