we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
